According to Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics, friendship is a necessary virtue in order to live a happy life. It is necessary as no one would choose to live without friends even if he had all other material goods. Friends are a refuge in times of poverty and misfortune. The "young need friends to keep them from error. The old need friends to care for them and support the actions that fail because of weakness." Those in their prime need friends to do fine actions; for when two go together "they are more capable of understanding and acting." Friendship unites the state.
But only friendship based on goodness unites the state. Utility-based friendships and pleasure-based friendships will not.
I have had friendships that were utility-based only. These types of friendships are only established so that both people derive some benefit from each other. I never cared for these people except for what they could offer me, and they felt the same in return. But once they stopped giving me whatever it was that I wanted (vice versa for them), I would end the friendship and move on with my life.
In the same token, I have had friendships based only on pleasure. There are many people who come to mind where I only established a friendship because of their appearance, attitude, or something of similar nature. Many of my "relationships" were based on this premise. I really enjoyed looking at some of my ex-boyfriends.
And lastly, I have a friend (notice please that I did not use a past tense here) because she is a good friend. Does she provide utility? Yes. Does she provide pleasure? Yes. But I do the same for her. I enjoy being with this friend because of who she is and how she is. We have an equal exchange in pleasure, utility, and goodness. This friendship has continued to last even until now because of our mutual respect for each other and virtue. The friendship I have established based on the premise of goodness is what Aristotle would consider a perfect friendship.
But my friendship with this person took time to create. I used to rush into the other two types of friendships and never truly got to know and understand the individuals I considered "friends." We never had the familiarity that true and perfect friendships require. My friendship that is true and genuine is so because we both want to help the other, to love them before asking to be loved. Friendship depends on that: loving than being loved.
With knowing what a perfect friendship requires, I believe that I can have more than just the one I have now. And I hope to strive to make more virtuous friendships because they truly are a necessity in the journey to achieve happiness.
But only friendship based on goodness unites the state. Utility-based friendships and pleasure-based friendships will not.
I have had friendships that were utility-based only. These types of friendships are only established so that both people derive some benefit from each other. I never cared for these people except for what they could offer me, and they felt the same in return. But once they stopped giving me whatever it was that I wanted (vice versa for them), I would end the friendship and move on with my life.
In the same token, I have had friendships based only on pleasure. There are many people who come to mind where I only established a friendship because of their appearance, attitude, or something of similar nature. Many of my "relationships" were based on this premise. I really enjoyed looking at some of my ex-boyfriends.
And lastly, I have a friend (notice please that I did not use a past tense here) because she is a good friend. Does she provide utility? Yes. Does she provide pleasure? Yes. But I do the same for her. I enjoy being with this friend because of who she is and how she is. We have an equal exchange in pleasure, utility, and goodness. This friendship has continued to last even until now because of our mutual respect for each other and virtue. The friendship I have established based on the premise of goodness is what Aristotle would consider a perfect friendship.
But my friendship with this person took time to create. I used to rush into the other two types of friendships and never truly got to know and understand the individuals I considered "friends." We never had the familiarity that true and perfect friendships require. My friendship that is true and genuine is so because we both want to help the other, to love them before asking to be loved. Friendship depends on that: loving than being loved.
With knowing what a perfect friendship requires, I believe that I can have more than just the one I have now. And I hope to strive to make more virtuous friendships because they truly are a necessity in the journey to achieve happiness.
You did really well with this post, Hope! I think you're exactly right in your arguments, and I loved the way you put it when you said "we both want to help the other, to love them before asking to be loved."
ReplyDeleteComing across your essay is probably one of the most beneficial things I have read this week. Your style of writing is unique, and very easy to understand and follow. I love that you italicize some key words to key parts of the perfect friendship. The two negative friendships are very important to point out, and after you stated that you had had friends like that and explained a little on that, I realized that I had too and still probably do, but now I can start picking them out. Thank you so much for this post, maybe it will help me help my little sister with her toxic friendships and drama.
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